I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
