You work out of a Hotel?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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