You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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