a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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