so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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