all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
