I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
