3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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