WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
