Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
