I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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