I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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