My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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