Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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