Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
