He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
