After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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