I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
