She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
