ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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