Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
two words: eviction party
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
