she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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