East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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