I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
