there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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