just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize