I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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