I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
