i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
