marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
