This is not my ceiling
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
