you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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