Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
