Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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