Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
