Pants 0. Shit 1.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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