You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
