yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
