we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
