My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
even my farts smell like vagina
love makes seman taste better
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
