I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
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