so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
