there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
