Small penises have feelings too.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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