I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
