gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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