I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize