Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
