i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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