sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
