i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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