i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
