You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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