he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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