allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
