i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
