Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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