So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
