Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
