I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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