you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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