you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
