Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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