Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
