So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
