Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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