Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
