Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
