sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
