Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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